Coachella and Families; How Not to Attend a Music Festival

The Coachella Festival was this past couple of weekends and I’ll admit it got me thinking. Not that I wanted to go—the Replacements and a couple of other bands were the only ones I really wanted to see. What got me really buzzing, and I admit a little nauseated, were the photos.

Not of the skimpily dressed, perfectly accessorized, fashion -brand sponsored girls, or the drunken boys, but the pictures my friends were posting on Facebook and Instagram. Of them with their children.

What. The.  F***. There is so much wrong with these photos that I barely know where to start. But I’ll take a stab at it anyway.

Say I was hit on the head by a bottle, and as result of the subsequent concussion decided to attend to Coachella.  Maybe then I would be willing, nay, required to fork over the many thousands of dollars that a “VIP” or concierge ticket costs. It might be a pleasant way to visit a multi-day music festival in the desert.  

Apparently these passes get you into comfortably air-conditioned tents (nice in the desert) away from the sun and the wind (again, really excellent in the desert) but most importantly keep you far apart from the riff-raff and the stinky masses.  I.e. the people.

‘Course that kind of privacy also keeps you away from the music.  But face it, if you’re shelling out for a helicopter to take you to Indio, access to a privately curated wine bar and custom, waitress-served meals, you’ve got to admit you’re not there for the music. It’s an afterthought. You’re there to say you were there.

But okay, if that’s the way a geezer wants to roll at a music festival. It’s bizarre to me, but most boomers have done their time in the mosh pit and may want to try something different. At least most of my friends have spent time moshing. Some still do. But I digress. If folks want to take a step back I get it. It’s not very punk rock, more AARP, but I am trying to understand here.

But who the hell takes their children with them? And what kid would want to attend with their parents? This is a music festival, not Disneyland, no matter how gussied up and VIPed they make the experience.

I can almost understand how, if the whole family wants to go to the festival, it would make sense to share a ride to Indio, and maybe even hit up the parents for a hotel room.  But attending together? Taking selfies in the concierge suite as a group?  What’s next? Doing shots with the preteens for their Facebook page cred?

This simply doesn’t compute.  Music festivals are not meant to be inter-generational bonding experiences. They are supposed be about music first, which is usually not a shared family taste, and secondly about having a whole lot of perhaps not parentally supervised fun.

I always got along with my folks, and invited them to come by when I was working on Lollapalooza. They never came. It wasn’t their cup of tea, and I wouldn’t have the time to spend with them during the show anyway. But mostly, they had no desire to attend a music festival and really see up close what it was that I was doing there. And, more importantly, what everyone else was doing there while I was working.

Music festivals are crowded and dirty and filled with people doing irresponsibly stupid things between sets. Sometimes during sets. Occasionally even onstage during the show. It’s part of the fun and the experience, and it’s not always G-rated. It’s certainly not always predictable. That’s the point.

The spontaneity is what can make the music part of the festival so great (or awful). You just never know what’s going to happen. It might rain. The power might blow. The lead singer might be in jail and miss his set. Your BFF could do some bad mushrooms and you spend the whole festival babysitting him and end up skipping your favorite bands. It’s up for grabs.

Obviously there is a line between having fun and being dopey, and being reckless. But that’s why little kids shouldn’t go to music festivals. Because they don’t know the difference.  They are little kids.

If your kid is so young that they can’t attend the Coachella on their own, they probably shouldn’t be there. If your kid is old enough to attend Coachella on their own, they definitely should be hanging with their friends, not their parents. And if they are so spoiled that they’ll only attend Coachella with a VIP pass hanging from their neck, they need attend the festival on general admission ticket to see how the rest of the world lives.