Fall is my favorite season. For one
thing, it has an almost perfect holiday: Halloween. There’s no family to visit,
you don’t need a date and there’s lots of candy. Tons
actually, because although my neighborhood doesn’t have many kids, I buy enough
treats for an invading army. Mmm, snack-size
Snickers!
There is only one downside to this
season: Holiday photo shoots.
It’s my own fault. When I moved to
Los Angeles I thought it would be funny to dress up the Keeper the Perfect Dog
in goggles and a scarf and position her in my bright red convertible. It was
easy to do and the card was a huge hit.
After that, every year I upped the
ante. One year the Brittanys wore Santa hats and pulled a red wagon full of
toys and other Brittanys. After that came the Halloween costumes. Over the years
Murray the Dane was a fireman, Quattro the Brittany wore a yarmulke and Morgan
Brittany was a Pilgrim.
I became a victim of my own
success. People started looking forward to my cards. A few friends actually
saved them. The pressure is enormous.
The pictures inevitably turn out
great. How can they miss? My dogs are extremely photogeneic.
But the process isn’t easy. Friends
with an artistic bent serve as photographers. They rarely volunteer more than
once. Perfect Keeper was a once-in-a-lifetime model.
While it's amusing to a Great Dane wearing a fireman’s costume, you’re missing
angst that goes into getting that picture. And the many blurry outtakes. Oh, and the cursing. There's always lots of cursing.
You’ve all heard about stars
that schedule exactly one hour for a photo shoot and not a second more? Those folks
are a cinch compared to working with three or four Brittanys and a few Great
Danes.
You can - in theory- reason or bribe
people, even rock stars. But there aren’t enough chicken snacks in the universe
to coerce a Great Dane puppy into keeping on a set of reindeer ears. Nor is
there a costume in creation, that will remain on a Brittany who wants it off.
Also, Brittanys are hunting dogs. Maximum ADD is part of their DNA. The Danes
do whatever the Brirttanys do. You get the picture. It gets dizzying.
Last Sunday I mentioned to my
friend Maureen that it was time for the annual photo shoot. She is a former
creative director for GM’s ad company and is a graphic designer. She has
formidable taste and I promised excellent bourbon as an added enticement. She
took the bait.
She became a little wary when she
walked into the living room and saw a huge cardboard box labeled ‘Halloween.’
The box was filled with costumes. For the dogs.
Maureen opted to put the Jockey on
Jasper, while I dressed Poppy in the Super Girl cape. This was not Dalai’s
first rodeo; when she saw the box, she tore into her
crate to hide. It didn’t work. The crate takes up half my bedroom and she still hangs
out of it. She sighed deeply as I called her out.
Naturally, as I attached the Jester
ears to Dalai, Jasper removed the Jockey and Poppy shredded her cape. They’d
all outgrown the Jailer outfit, and the Pilgrim didn’t work either. Sadly, the
Devil ears were too tight. But eventually we forced costumes on them and all of
us tumbled out the door into the rapidly disappearing evening light.
The horses were mildly interested
in the goings on until the shouting began. Then they quietly retreated out of camera
range before we could put costumes on them.
Poppy began by sweetly sitting in
my lap, pawing at her hat. Soon she took out her frustrations by snarling at
Jasper who ignored her, instead rolling around at my feet ensuring that he’d be
blurry. Dalai turned toward the horses as if begging for help. No one looked at
the camera at the same time.
After about a half an hour, and
probably 50 pictures, it started to get dark. Maureen and I both needed a
drink.
We took off the costumes and Dalai
and Poppy ran to the house. Jasper
grabbed his and zoomed around the yard with it. Maureen and I opened a bottle
of Larceny and drank up.
There were about four usable
photos. You’ll see them around the holidays. In the meantime, you can see this
video of the proceedings that Maureen took before being overcome by the giggles.
You are welcome.
