Tuesday, July 29, 2014

I'm Smarter than a Geriatric Horse. Slightly.

There are a few advantages to living with a menagerie. With three horses, three dogs, a cat and a bunch of birds I’m never alone.  And although my alarm clock has been broken for months, I’m always awakened precisely the same time by a large Great Dane schnoz jabbing me in the ribs. It’s a good thing they make me laugh.

But it’s not all pokes and giggles.  Sometimes they get sick. Or slightly hurt.  

Dezi, my old show horse, spent most of his 25 years as a highly competitive show jumper, doing Grand Prix in Europe. By the time he came to me his prime years were long behind him, but he was still  showing in the lower divisions. He was a slave; when the bell rang he lit up. Pulling made him go faster. He was also extremely head shy. Someone had smacked him around hard.  

The first time I took him out to eat grass, he didn’t know what to do—he’d never been allowed to graze on a lead before. He learned quickly.  He also figured out that he always got a peppermint when he left the arena. He’d slam on the brakes and swing his neck into my lap waiting for a treat and refusing to move until he got it.

Dezi’s been retired for almost three years now. The hardest thing he has to do is figure out whether to nap in his stall or the paddock.  During that time something else has happened: he’s turned feral.  Not completely, mind you. He still comes waddling up to me three times a day for his meals and stands quietly to have fly spray applied. Pull out a halter though, and he’s off.

Recently Dezi developed a small cut just above his coronary band, where his foot meets his hoof. He probably whacked it when he was lying down, which he does a lot.  The first time I spotted him splayed out flat in the pasture, I was sure he was dead.  I went out to check and yelled his name. Nothing.  After a minute I went into the paddock and poked him. He lifted his head and gave me a dirty look for waking him up.

I didn’t think much of the injury; I knew that a quick squirt of silver spray would cover the wound and keep the flies away.  So I went up to him and started to put it on. Faster than I thought was possible, the old coot was gone.  I finally cornered him and tried again, this time picking up a foot so he (theoretically) couldn’t get away. You’d be surprised how fast a three-legged geriatric horse can move. I was.

Eventually I realized that I needed to put a halter on him and tie him up.  Maybe that would remind him of 22 years of good manners.  A friend also suggested that the noise was scaring him; that I should spray some cotton and rub the cotton on his foot.  That made sense.  Not to Dezi. 

First it took a good 20 minutes to corner him to put on a halter.  Then I tied him to the barn and walked away.  Far away, where he couldn’t hear the sprayer. It didn’t matter. When I came near him, he sat down on his hind end and splintered his very fancy leather halter with the brass nameplate on it.  Fat luck catching him after that.

It was like the O.J. slow-speed chase. Rarely going faster than a trot, Dezi circled the other horses, making sure they were always between him and me.  If somehow I did get near him, he’d trot away. I think he broke into a canter once.  After an hour of this in the 93 degree heat I gave up. I was afraid he’d have a heart attack. Or I would.

I couldn’t quit for long, because I could see that the flies were turning the little cut into a nasty summer sore.  After an expensive (is there any other kind?) trip to the tack and feed store I came home armed to the rafters. There was a powerful antibiotic that I could tap soundlessly onto the cut, as well as fly boots that covered his front legs from hoof to knee, and fly masks that enshrouded his whole face from ears to nose with mesh.  

I realized that he might be a better target while he was eating dinner, and though it took a while, eventually his greediness overpowered his obstinacy. Finally I treated the foot and got the booties on.   It’s embarrassing to admit how proud I was of tricking an aged, creaky, old equine.  But I admit I did a little happy dance.


Also, dressed up in their fly gear, my geezers look like war horses.  Which makes me snicker. 

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